What is real Love?

Love is this AND Is not that...... WRITTEN BY DR OKEY . The ultimate dilemma of any youngster is to categorize his/her feelings into the similar, yet very different, brackets of love or infatuation. A young mind may consider every liking to be a case of pure, undying love. He/she would see any attempt to dissuade him/her about the truth of this "love" as an insult to their feelings. . * Where does the thin line between love and infatuation lie? * How do we know one from the other? . Though it usually takes a considerable amount of experience to completely demarcate the two, there are some basic differences. I will try to explain them here. . Infatuation is a feeling that has a reasonable basis. One can point out exactly what one likes about the object of one's affection. Good looks is the most common reason behind an infatuation. Intelligence, personality, a cheerful disposition or a great sense of style are other things that might lead one to be infatuated by someone. However, the one thing common between most cases of infatuation is that the glow of the positives usually casts a shadow on the negative aspects of a person. In other words, you are temporarily blinded to all the wrongs of the person in question. . Love is quite the opposite in these cases. Though it may seem like an unreasonable liking, you will eventually realize that what attracts you might not necessarily be good, but along with the aspects of your personality, those characters will go perfectly. That is to say that, what matters in love is not the 'absolute', but the 'relative'. . What appears flawless to you might be perceived as worthless by someone else. Love is about finding a perfect match to your temperament. THIS DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN THAT LOVE ALLOWS US TO BE IGNORANT ABOUT OUR PARTNER'S WRONGS. On the contrary, it is something that makes us want to seek and reform those imperfections – together. Where the urge to 'stay on in spite of', is not present, there is no true love present. Love involves a great deal of tolerance but not abusively. . An infatuation or a crush is an attraction mainly to the surface, be it physical or mental. There is no understanding involved. It is said that you can never love anybody without knowing them as well as they know themselves, and once you know someone that well and decides to stick around, you are bound to be in love with them. Love involves a great deal of decision making but not dumbly. . There lies the problem....'KNOWING PEOPLE' * What does it mean to know someone? Big question. * Can you ever know anyone enough to prevent surprises? * Does staying close or long term dating someone mean that you know him/her? * Does knowing someone prevent misunderstanding or break up? . PONDERING QUESTIONS: - If knowing someone is a prescription for falling and being in love, why do couples break up after they have known each other for 20 years? - If 20 YEARS spent together, good sex/romance, investments, kids, money or quality vacations/ does not hold love together, then what makes love work? . My answer: THINGS THAT MAKE LOVE ENDURE ROUGH TIMES: * WISDOM - knowledge of how to build strength upon two people's weaknesses and differences. * WISDOM - knowledge of how not to fight every battle, hence loving is not warring. * WISDOM - knowledge of self control, discipline, mind control, forgiveness, and respect * WISDOM - knowledge of WHY you got married- focus on goals, and rather than on changing the attitude of whom we choose to live with. . This happens when couples know WHY they need to be with each other. Loving is more than sleeping together. It is more than cooking and eating together. It is more than having fun together. It is more than living together. It is definitely more than having regular sex It is more than giving gifts. It is more than an expression. . Loving is doing acts of good faith in good fates for someone that does not necessarily deserve it. Loving is the art of seeking for each other's spiritual, emotional and physical growth Loving is a Godly task rather than human mechanisms for satisfying personal or group sexual fantasies. Loving is an expression of God's ordinances on earth.... THE FOUNDATION OF THIS EARTH IS BUILT ON LOVE....NOT ON HATE, NOT ON REBELLIOUSNESS, NOT ON WAR, NOT ON BICKERING, NOT ON MANIPULATIONS, NOT ON RESENTMENTS, AND OR FANTASY. Love is not blind but it renders human flaws flawless and seek to fix them through acceptance, adjustment and understanding, rather than resentment, strife and forceful change. Love involves a great deal of patience but not without expression of dissatisfaction. . But take note: Loving also involve identifying and correcting, suggesting, encouraging, supporting, and empowering one another. Whichever tone or direction or in whatever case, loving means doing any or all of the above without ego. When ego and pride is introduced, love turns into competition. Love involves everything else but pride, ego, confrontation and rebelliousness. These things will come first before your fall. YOU MUST WATCH YOUR WAYS AND YOUR TONGUE. . It does not matter how well you serve your partner but if you have a quick tongue, you are not a good partner in love. It does not matter how deep you care or how good you are in bed or how many hours you spend or how much gifts you give, if you have (a) quick tongue, (b) untamed and uncontrolled temperament, (c) zero tolerance, (d) argumentative, you are a difficult person to be in love with and someone close to you is probably only managing to hold on to you until the end because your attitude does not make him or her happy. Do not be shocked that so many of the people you call your 'nice friends', nice guys and nice girls, actually suck in love. Love is more than niceness. Love is how we act, rather than what and how we appear. We use personality to meet and make friends but use character to build and sustain love. Love involves a great deal of us. It is no fantasy. . A relationship where two people compete with each other is not love. A relationship where one person defines and dictates the pace is not love. A relationship where a man or a woman is manipulative, is not a healthy one. A relationship where a man does not take the advice of his wife is a time bomb A relationship where a woman's tongue run 10 miles per minute is a dog house A relationship where a woman selfishly manipulates her lover to not to care for people is an evil den A relationship where a man controls and disregards the voice of his wife/lover is dangerous. BEING A MAN DOES NOT MAKE US BETTER THINKERS.. AND BEING A WOMAN DOES NOT MAKE US LAME AND DUMB THINKERS. * Listening to one another is key to loving one another. He that does not listen is a POWER train wrecker. My friend, never feel too old to take advice from your partners, including your kids. GOD MAY SHOW THEM WHAT YOU DO NOT SEE. When you stop listening, you start dying. Life and death is in the ears of men and women. . If you find yourself in a competing situation with your lover/intended lover, first try to fix it and if you fail, then walk away in peace. LOVING IS TOO MUCH OF GOD'S BUSINESS TO BE HUMANLY COMPETITIVE..... It is an extension of light. Light brings hope Hope brings fulfillment Fulfillment bring life Life is love God is love Man is to have God to be happy. Without loving, you are not expressing Godliness. Never let your past or fear of failure withhold you from loving again, therefore. Let light shine always. . A lover should not put his/partner to test.- IF THEY FAIL, IT IS YOUR FAULT. A lover should not dare their partner. - HUMAN BEINGS CAN SURPRISE YOU A lover should not aim at dubiously profiting from their partner. - THERE IS NO REAL GAIN IN THAT BUSINESS BECAUSE IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATIONS NEVER LEADS YOU TO ANY DISTANCE. It all goes away in time and leave you empty pocketed and red-eyed. LIFE IS A PROCESS. DO NOT JUMP IT, MY FRIEND. . LOVE IS CHALLENGING AND ENDURES WHEN THERE IS: Wisdom of the two partners not to allow external influences destroy what they have Wisdom to separate money and material things from love life Wisdom to keep their secrets, secret Wisdom to eliminate selfishness and selfishness Wisdom to some sacrifice personal desires for common/mutual goals Wisdom for humility, patience, endurance, loyalty, dedication/ commitment to common goals- whether those goals make sense or not. Wisdom to communicate well and readiness to absorb shocks Wisdom to win by loosing and to accept inadequacy Wisdom to pray when things are rough and to rejoice when things get better Wisdom to control excesses and to focus on each other's happiness Wisdom to assume that your partner's interest comes before yours..... Wisdom to understand that the road to loving is rough but drive-able Wisdom to know that you going to need spare tire, additional gas/fuel, tools and water to get to your destination Wisdom to understand that you just cant get everything you want because you don't really need them anyway. Wisdom to understand love is a task for two people Wisdom to hope for better when the present isn't promising . Mere physical attraction is often mistaken to be love, especially by teenagers and young puppy lovers. Love is much deeper and much more complicated than that. Love is never-ending, whereas a crush fades almost as fast as it arises. . The most important test of love is its strength. Sometimes, love do pass through tests. And sometimes, some tests are signals that you are on a wrong path. .......................................................................................................................... The biggest question is: HOW DO WE DIFFERENTIATE A TRIAL FROM A SIGNAL? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Well, my friend, there are no written tablets for the above (bracketed question) because human beings are different..and factors that affect our behaviors are products of economics, environment, geography, history, orientation, peer group, culture, religion, education and family...etc. THE DIVINE RULE IS THAT YOU SEEK ANSWERS FROM GOD AND PAY ATTENTION TO KNOW WHEN YOUR ANSWERS ARE DELIVERED TO YOU. Without anchoring your plans in God's hands, you may misread trials to be signals or vice versa. . HERE IS MY FAIR ADVICE: Pray and believe without a doubt that God heard you Fast to boost your faith and anchor your trust in God Listen attentively to hear God's answers...so you wont keep asking for answers that you already received Act and don't think twice after you receive your answers... . NOTE: God may give you an answer/show you signs that you do not want to hear. JUST DO IT. STOP DOING DIVINE BUSINESS WITH EMOTIONS AND COMING BACK HURT...whine and complain about the opposite gender. WE REAP THE PRODUCTS OF THE CHOICES WE MAKE. So, next time, do not play smart. Play wise. IF YOU FOLLOW GOD'S INSTRUCTIONS, YOU SHALL SMILE IN FUTURE IF YOU ACT WITHOUT HASTE, LOVE WILL SURELY FIND YOU, NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE. Believe me, there are enough true love to go around. STOP LIMITING YOURSELF. . Do not meet a man on the street today and visit his house/office the next day with your change of clothes and underwear. IN FACT, STOP GETTING INTO STRANGE CARS AND VISITING STRANGE HOMES AND GUEST HOUSES. *We know that life is hard but DAMN....Mom and Dad did not raise a prostitute.! Do not sleep overnight like a cheap harlot until you know who you are dealing with. Do not call him your boyfriend after the first date. Just because a man said that you are cute does not mean that he is in love with you. Just because he invited you over to his house does not mean that he has agreed to marry you. One more time, Love must endure occasional pangs of jealousy. Love should/ cannot be influenced by money or lack of it. Even the truest and most trusting of lovers can become suspicious at times. The reason behind this is that a true lover will always consider his/her partner as more desirable than any other person in the world and this can sometimes make them be uncertain of other peoples' intentions towards their partner. . SO WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND INFATUATION? Love is an unblemished emotion while an infatuation is sometimes just lust masquerading as true devotion.................. WRITTEN BY DR OKEY . I am Dr Okey, a brother and your friend. I have got something to say.